b>Every Time I Die have recruited Josh Newton of From Autumn to Ashes as their new permanent bassist, frontman Keith has also posted a long missive on the band's Myspace page, which reads as follows:
Remember how awesome "The Woods" were? any woods. Behind your school, at the end of your street, whatever. The woods, man. "Guys, tonight? Lets fuckin go hang in the woods." "yo, tell your parents you're sleeping over at my house. Then we'll go back in the woods". There was so much possibility there. I found a pair of dirty underwear in the woods. They were girls. I used to go back in the woods and do wheelies. Things were so much cooler when they happened there than anywhere else.
"dude what did you do this weekend?"
"I went to a party and fingered a girl"
"oh cool. Who's house was the party at?"
"no dude, the party was in the woods"
we used to have fires and drink beers and that was all you needed. Just sitting in a circle. Not even thinking about rape or the other connotations the woods carry now. Someone please throw a party in the woods behind a venue someday soon. I promise we'll be there.
Normally im a lot more punctual and frequent with these blog entries but since I came to liberty city to stay with my cousin roman, ive been caught up in the pursuit of the Balkan soldier who killed my friends. However, roman was just killed on his wedding day by that rat dimitri, so I guess I might as well sit down and blog about life.
Every Time I Die is proud to announce that we have permanently filled (or as permanent as can be when regarding us) our bass player slot. His name is Josh Newton and he comes to us via From Autumn to Ashes, Unsane, Shiner and Reggie and the Full Effect. Also, he doesn't own any other color of clothing except for black. Once I thought I saw him fixing the zipper on a pair of skin tight tapered white jeans, but then realized he was just masturbating while nude from the waste down. Hes a great dude and he laughed really hard at me while I was super high on spacecakes in Amsterdam, so he's got my vote.
Speaking of Amsterdam, our last full tour was a European headlining run with Scary Kids Scaring Kids and Drop Dead, Gorgeous which far surpassed anyones expectations considering the average band name length was 3.666 words long and that's not only annoying for promoters but foreboding as well. The shows were almost all sold out (which is a cool thing to say without having to explain that capacity in some cities was 14) and there were no typical european hang ups like bus breakdowns or a driver having his stuffed animal stolen and weeping like a little girl while yelling at us as if we WANTED a monkey with a spiked bracelet on. Plus, it was the first time our sound guy zack bush canon was allowed out of the country. Yes, that is his real middle name and as awesome as it is, ive offered to pay to have it legally changed to "creature" because hes 27 years old and didn't have a drivers license, passport or s.s card until this year. Whales are easier to track than he was. Thanks to everyone that came out to those shows and made it the best European trip ever next to the one the Griswolds had when rusty saw boobs. Zack is now an international playboy thanks to you.
Once returning home in late april there were only two engagements we had before preparing for the WARPED TOUR. The first was the annual Paul Frank Dodgeball Tournament in Orange County California, which we flew out to play because we played it a few years ago and it was EASILY the most rabid crowd we've played in front of. This year was no different. There were so many bodies flying around I thought Rambo was in the pit. What made it even greater is that it was a totally guerilla operation as PF didn't have a permit to have a band play in their parking lot, so just as we began the last song a helicopter flew over and shot 4 missles into the energized crowd which I caught and threw back. Then the land police showed up and kicked everyone out so we all went to a bar where a certain member of our band was grind dancing for 2 full hours with nary a care for the world around him. It was a beautiful sight. Chris Lisk of Paul Frank is a legend. Don't ever forget that.
Then in May we drove to Jersey to play BAMBOOZLE, which, considering the multitude of alternative mutants in attendance covered in makeup and spikes and home-made tshirts with overt suggestions that they were in fact horny and/or high, should have been called "monster mash". I did nothing but cruise around for hours on end people watching. I absolutely had one of the greatest times of my life. The crowd was incredible, we got to meet Brett Michaels and we were interviewed by Triumph the Comic Dog. Oh and the best part? Richard Christie from the Howard Stern Show telling Jordan that he couldn't stay to hang out after our set because he had to get up to work super early the next morning, only to hear on the show that he had to leave early because he pissed his pants during the Coheed and Cambria set. How can you even be mad at that?
So now we're just preparing for the WARPED TOUR which starts next week. This will be our first time scheduled for the main stage which means we have officially earned the right to cut in line at catering, if nothing else. As great as this summer is going to be, the days off are equally as downrighteous. On June 30 in Gurnee IL we're going to be doing a meet and greet sort of thing with Q101.1 at SIX FLAGS theme park. A whole shitload of bands will be there hanging out so go to q101.com for all the details. And if that doesn't sell you on the idea, check out www.rideaccidents.com to see some of the shit youll be missing out on if you don't go! Also, warped tour is running what could easily be the greatest contest ive ever seen this side of Mr. Puniverse they used to have at Howdys off Transit. You can actually bid to spend a day bowling with your favorite warped tour band. I cant think of anything more perfect for an every time I die fan, except maybe a colonic and a treadmill. J.k goofballs! As of right now we are second behind Cobra Starship as far as raising the most money for charity, but since our hearts are so enormous and we cant stand to not donate the MOST money, let me just say this. Gabe uses bumpers when he bowls. Yup. You heard it here. Theres no way way you can win. At least with us you can guarantee that my average will drop a significant amount after my first pitcher of Pabst and ratboy will dislocate his thumb in a texting injury in about the 4th frame. That way, theres a slight chance you could walk away a winner and have something to tell the girl who wont let you get under the bra until now. Its gonna be fuckin awesome. Go to our myspace page (god I cannot wait until that day when that sentence means nothing) and look in our bowling blog for the link. That just reminded me of Bob Loblaws Law Blog from Arrested Development. Funny stuff.
Alright kids, I gotta try to beat this ps3 game before we leave in a few days because im going to be without it for the whole summer so do yourself a favor and come to the warped tour and remind yourselves how much fun you can have with us (from a safe distance). And if you haven't yet, don't EVER see Juno. I finally saw it and would rather watch the kid from high school who swam in an oversized t-shirt read the penny saver out loud. It would probably be as emotionally involving as watching that smug little twirp try to be not only hip and relevant but quirky and NOT a lesbian. And Finale will have new stuff up soon. We've added some members to the lineup in the hopes of actually playing shows after the summer. Also, keep your eyes peeled for another project I've been working on with some friends, and check out AP every month for my movie reviews. We'll see you sons a bitches on the road. Love always, Etid
Ps. Im selling my harley sportster, so if anyones interested there are about 4 days left in the ebay bidding war. (fuck). Go to ebay and put this in as an Item Number: