These Are The Best Tweets Of The Week

First, something to make you feel all warm inside.

�� HAPPY COUPLES ONLY �� pic.twitter.com/bQrGVpjGte

— Rob Damiani (@RobDamiani) September 7, 2017

Gonna start using this one.

whenever jamia bakes cookies Lily comes in the kitchen &asks "what smells so good?!" my response is always "i've been standing here farting"

— frnkiero: Party Dad (@FrankIero) September 3, 2017

How gREAT IS COFFEEEE

guys i got a double shot coffee today and i'm PINGIN what're you up to how're the kids are you followings your DREAMS

— jayden seeley (@jaydenwithcon) September 6, 2017

Less said about this the better.

I wish my butthole what stop doing what it is doing so I could get back to being handsome in front of cameras.

— Danny Worsnop (@dannyworsnop) September 2, 2017

������������

Whoops. Sorry I'm not fulfilling my one true duty in life of pleasing you. https://t.co/nxOTZlkBe3

— Chrissy Costanza (@ChrissyCostanza) September 5, 2017

This claim...

Apparently, @joshwithcon keeps a list in his phone of reasons why the moon landing is fake in case it ever comes up in casual conversation.

— Gina Arielle (@GinaArielle) September 5, 2017

Met with this completely serious answer.

not saying the moon landing itself was ~definitely~ fake but the footage and images that were presented to the public definitely are.

— josh brozzesi (@joshwithcon) September 5, 2017

Why deny yourself perfection? 

Top tip for any aspiring chefs: 20 chicken nugget share box - £3.99

— Alex Adam (@alexjamesadam) September 6, 2017

Sing along!

We're going down down
Getting killed by a clown
& sugar this circus is shitty
I'll be ur # 1 w/a mullet
Sexy logride guy stuck in a ball pit

— [email protected]®|{ µø₽₽û§��️‍�� (@markhoppus) September 8, 2017

A balanced start to the day.

Beer for dinner

— SLiME DADDY (@FRONZ1LLA) September 4, 2017

We certainly hope not!

I've run out of tweets.

— Alexander William (@AlexAllTimeLow) September 3, 2017

And to conclude, how all dreams should be.

just woke from a dream where i was taking out allllllll the trash and every bit of that garbage was in checkerboard patterned trash bags...

— hayley from Paramore (@yelyahwilliams) September 8, 2017

... and i didnt just take it out, i flung it high in the air and across the street to where it landed on top of other folks' garbage.

— hayley from Paramore (@yelyahwilliams) September 8, 2017

honestly, that trash was sparkling in the sun. my garbage was glorious. if this ain't a metaphor...... oh and btw good morning.

— hayley from Paramore (@yelyahwilliams) September 8, 2017