The Senses Fail frontman gives advice to the man he used to be. Love, life, New Jersey and penis tattoos all feature!
The guy second on the left says stop being such an asshole. The older you get, the better life will get, please keep that in mind as you grow. First off, I know you are from that shithole New Jersey but you don't have to yell when you talk, please remember that. It's also not the greatest place in the world. It's not bad but there are other places you will grow to love. Just don't tell anyone from New Jersey that, they will never be ready to hear it.
I can see that you like getting tattoos, by now you will have amassed about forty five. Just want to let you know that most of them now look fucking stupid. Especially the vagina monster grim-reaper with the dick in place of the sickle, you know, the one you affectionately titled 'Quifer Sutherland'. Not to mention all those little stars and dots you wanted everywhere, well they have now warped into circles. Remember the four penises you got tattooed on your leg? Yup, they are still here! Oh, and don't ever let your friend Shawn tattoo you again with the tattoo machine he made from his mom's sewing kit, thanks. Also, when you get a chance to take that trip to Mexico, don't eat the tongue tacos from the street cart, it will turn out very very bad.
That girlfriend you thought you were going to get married to? Well, you didn't. You did however spend four thousand dollars on a designer handbag to make up for the fact that she caught you cheating on her. In the future you will learn that if you want to cheat on someone, just break up with them. It is the honest thing to do and less expensive.
Trust me on this one, your early 20's are going to be a trying time but as soon as you hit 25 it's gonna be fucking awesome. Apart for the fact that you will start to get insanely hungover. Even drinking four beers is going to set you down a dark path for the morning, so drink up while you're still young.
On a serious note, you're a good person, just rough around the edges. The sands of time will start to smooth you out, be open to the change and don't be too hard on yourself. Enjoy the present.
Senses Fail's best-of record 'Follow Your Bliss' is out now featuring the finest moments of their decade long career alongside four new tracks and a commentary booklet filled with fan pictures and recollections from bandmates past and present. To get your copy click here and (if you can) go see the band on Warped Tour this Summer. That is all.
There's been some actual news this week. The Movielifereformed, Fightstarreturned from hiatus, and then there was Emoji Artworks. But sadly, today is our last #notthenews round-up of 2014. Try to hold back those tears while we recap all of this week's nonsense.