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Life On Tour With The James Cleaver Quintet, Part Two

The second half of The JCQ's tour blog!

For part one click here, once up to speed read on...

Wrexham - Today we reach the epicentre of our stint on the road with Dangerous! and started with a trip to Crewe A+E. Unfortunately they had run out of wheelchairs so merch guy Danny found me a zimmerframe which raised a few eyebrows when I arrived at reception and couldn't tell them where I had got the zimmerframe from. So thankfully, with it being a Monday afternoon, it was pretty chilled out. I got bored waiting for my X-ray and called Jimmy to hang out. He had a few issues finding me and ended up in the mortuary, after being escorted out he promptly burned his socks as he could smell them from standing up; hygiene is key people. I had an X-Ray and they said I needed to get some rest and come back for an MRI scan, but we had places to be and had faces to melt so my recovery was put on the back-burner. We played at Central Station that night and had been reliably informed that the promoter had only started promoting the gig around an hour before we turned up, so we weren't hopeful. The food there was incredible though, top marks. PaulCQ managed to reverse into some dude's car, who's first words were; "YOU'VE HIT MY CAR.......YOU KNOB" and coupled with his huge comedy mustache and thick valley accent, I couldn't help but crack up. I had to sit down for the whole set which sucked a lot more than you'd imagine. Jimmy made up for it by attempting to re-create Skytrak from Gladiators using his bass and the venue's lighting rig.

Day Off - which means only one thing on The JCQ's touring schedule - ALTON TOWERS. Needless to say, we were super stoked, like children at Christmas, and it turned out to be everything we had dreamed of and more. We stopped off to get a pork sandwich on the way, which inadvertently led to us getting #porkbands trending 3rd in the world on twitter. We win. I got to cruise around Alton Towers in a wheelchair all day, which made the whole day like one non-stop roller coaster. Martin was a bit too keen to get on the rides and slammed me into the back of some girl, causing her leg to bleed and some pretty harsh words to be exchanged. Jimmy genuinely wet himself on one of the rides too. We celebrated MartinCQ's birthday afterwards in Sheffield where we were staying with Alec from Never Cry Wolf's house. We watched Harry and The Hendersons (if you haven't noticed, Martin looks IDENTICAL to Harry), polished off the left-overs from the various riders and chilled hard.

Hull - Last time we played in Hull with 80's Matchbox was rad, so we were looking forward to today. After some serious morning chilling, we made our way to Hull. There were some mental buildings on the beach that Jack and Paul went to check out but I am still a temporary cripple and had to enjoy the delights Hull had to offer from the venue. Tonight was a momentous occasion for The JCQ because after some serious team-talks, tactics and training, we beat Dangerous! in the now customary pre-show Flipcup comp. D! - 2, JCQ - 1. It's like the Ashes but 10 times more intense. The show was rad and support band Hand & Cleaver were sick. It was particularly rad for me because I managed to stand up during the show, a bit like that bit in Men Of Honour where Cuba Gooding Jr. stands up in his diving gear after being crippled by an atomic bomb, but more epic. Tonight was also the first night Dangerous invited Danny (merch guy) on stage to sing his favourite song. The only way I can describe this is if you imagine a newborn Giraffe hobbling around while shrieking like a freshly harpooned octopus. After the show, JimmyCQ and TommyD! set fire to some guys pubes outside the venue who was surprisingly willing, possibly because it looked like he had Whoopi Goldberg stuffed down his pants. We had a bread fight with Dangerous! which left ToddD! with actual bruises on his rib. Hand & Cleaver also gave us their fee for the show because we had come such a long way, which was way above and beyond. So major thanks to those guys.

High Wycombe - So we left Alec's house after kindly letting us stay for three nights and headed back down south. The first time we played in High Wycombe, we got chased to our car by some guys trying to steal our guitars, but despite that High Wycombe is quite nice. Today we announced signing to Hassle Records and a release date for our album, 'That Was Then, This Is Now', which will be on Halloween. We ain't goths though. Tonight was the second night we got scratchies on our rider but unfortunately, zero winners. The Flipcup Ashes continued tonight and we pulled it back to a more than tense 2 - 2. Tonight was headlined by Japanese Voyeurs who were super nice dudes/dudette and smashed it. NevD! came back to party with us tonight and we smashed some fruit on Danny's head and face. Oh the joys of being our merch guy.

Southampton - We love Southampton, it's almost like a second home to us so it's always nice to go back. As soon as we got to the venue the Flipcup friendlies started and we had a few silent rounds which almost gave me a heart attack from the suspense. The official Flipcup Ashes decider happened just before Dangerous! took to the stage and with it being 2 all, to say it was nerve-racking would be an understatement. The pre-game trash-talking started and before we could blink, it was all over. Thankfully for us, the Flipcup Gods were on our side tonight. We emerged with a clear 3 - 2 victory gaining the respect of our peers, our families, but most of all, our nation. Martin didn't have the best night after Jimmy managed to mule-kick him square in the face during the show, and then afterwards falling and smashing his face on a bird-bath, so he woke up with a LOT of blood on his t-shirt. Jimmy couldn't quite make it indoors and woke up next to a pond outside where we were staying. Danny stayed with Dangerous! after falling asleep in their van and getting a load of Ozzie ballz rubbed over his face.

Kingston - Today was the last day and there were heavy hearts all round. We hung out in Richmond park all day, saw a few Deer and had a sweet picnic like the badasses we truly are. The show was certainly a fine send off with members of each band joining the other on stage at various points. For reasons unknown to ourselves, Dangerous! insisted on another round of Flipcup, which we kindly obliged being the gentlemen we are, but unfortunately this game was marred by heinous CHEATING of the worst kind from ToddD! and TommyD!, which threw the Flipcup council into turmoil and brought shame to the whole Flipcup establishment. Supposedly the score is now 3 - 3 and will be continued next year in Australia but I think the jury's still out on that one. After the show some dude was buying everyone in the bar shots of Jager which seemed like the perfect farewell, while NevD! and JimmyCQ went to find a casino to get married so Nev didn't have to go home. Without wanting to sound like some kind of big girl's blouse, this tour has been awesome from day one and we'll be sad to see our Aussie counterparts go, despite the deliberate and despicable cheating. KEEN!