Life On Tour With The James Cleaver Quintet

The JCQ blog about life on tour with Dangerous! Viewer discretion is advised.

Posted Thursday, 29 September 2011 by Rock Sound in

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The first night of our UK tour with Dangerous! was at the Guildford Boilerooms, and if you're some sort of big dumb stupid idiot and you don't know about the noodles at the back, get to know them, they're incredible. The inevitable 'who gets to drink the last beer in the dressing room' moment occurred pretty soon between us and Dangerous!, so JimmyCQ devised some elaborate game while TommyD! decided to play the 'drink the last beer before anyone notices' game instead. Dangerous 1, JCQ 0. Dangerous! played and slayed, and a special mention goes to Palm Reader who were sick. After the show we found out that both JackCQ and NickD! have no foreskin, but the weird part was when Jack described how he often gets something he calls 'Phantom Foreskin Syndrome' where he thinks it's still there, much the same way amputees sometimes think they still have their missing limbs...Bath tomorrow!

Bath - Today started with a pre kick-around in the venue. JackCQ volunteered to go in goal and instantly got his beak annihilated by NevD! with a well placed penalty. There was blood and everything. The sound-guy said the last band to take a football in there were Oasis. Fact. After the show was a club-night and we obliterated the dance-floor. Special mention goes to our merch guy Danny for rounding up the entire club for a photo on the stage and then not actually making it into the picture. Pete from Hymns kindly let us stay at his and we played GoldenEye 'til the early hours. Needless to say, we put everyone in their place. We also finally managed to break in what we like to call 'piss pipe' which is basically a funnel, attached to a tube which goes from the van floor directly onto the road. It worked after a serious amount of duck tape. No more pissing in jerry cans for TJCQ, we be straight pimpin.

Tunbridge Wells - Today is our only remotely close to home-town show so it was cool to see some familiar faces. Those faces included MartinCQ's Mum who got so drunk she accidentally bought two Dangerous! t-shirts instead of two JCQ tees. During the day we had to fix a guitar because I busted my nut (lolololol) on the only one we have the night before. While we were there Jimmy picked up a wireless for his bass which instantly broke on the first song. The crowd were sick and there were stage dives, sing-alongs and even reverse worms. NevD! managed to 'accidentally' steal our van keys and only noticed in the kebab shop. Nice try Dangerous!, you ain't getting our van that easy, Dangerous - 1, JCQ - 1. Afterwards we stayed at Jonny's from Pharaohs and stuck Danny's phone inside his own rectum (with a little help from cocoa butter) while he was passed out.

Swansea - Today we played at Sin City and I think it has the most stairs I have ever seen in one place. The venue is on the top floor, and the lift was broken. So that was nice. I think I'm gonna look like Mr. fuckin Motivator by the end of this tour. We got scratch cards on our rider for the first time tonight and won £12 quid which we blew on buckfast. A wise investment in anyone's eyes [except xPaulCQx's]. There was a guy dressed as a banana at the show for reasons unknown to myself but he seemed pretty keen. Tonight the Dangerous! guys introduced us to a drinking game called 'flipcups'. If you don't know, the basic rules are; skull your drink, put the empty cup on the side of the table and flip it so it lands upside down, once you land it, then the next person on your team does the same and the first team to have all their cups on the table wins. I had absolutely no idea how intense this was going to get but there were flipped tables, chairs and NickyD! even let off a fire extinguisher in JimmyCQ's face because he lost. We even managed to get a round infront of the stage just before Dangerous! played. Flipcup score D! - 1, JCQ - 0. I managed to total two power slides, the entire length of the room during our set so I'm pretty stoked. Jimmy's wireless lasted around three songs tonight before breaking. After the show we went into Swansea town centre, we managed to get kicked out of two bars and then Danny's friends let us stay at their house, Ben had to sleep in a bath.

Crewe - Today Jimmy topped the remaining Buckfast at midday and was passed out by five, but upon arrival hurled a banana straight in the air which k.o'd some dudes windscreen who sat wiping it off for five minutes. A whole bunch of motorcyclists decided to drive down the motorway at 20mph. I'm not sure if it was some sort of protest but if it was, it was the shittest protest I've ever taken part in. Needless to say, Jack was furious. During Dangerous!' set, ToddD! launched a beer can off stage and managed to crack the sound dude square on the bonce. Needless to say, he too was furious and started punching walls and shit. The show for us was the best so far, there were kids rocking actual backflips in the crowd. Jimmy's wireless lasted for around 1.5 songs tonight and we got another pre show round of flipcup in. Flipcup score - D! - 2, JCQ - 0. I managed to completely fuck my knee up halfway through the set and had to sit down like Gary fucking Barlow. It sucked, but the rest of the show was rad. Jimmy managed a stage dive to rival Bert McCracken circa Warped Tour 2003 and TommyD! did a sick reverse worm in the middle of the pit. That night our boys in Blitz Kids took us out partying and we crashed at theirs. MartinCQ woke Jono up in the morning by getting butt nekkid and blowing a hair dryer in his face.

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