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In Remembrance

November 13 marked the second anniversary of my brother’s suicide. He killed himself because he thought that no one was there for him.

Songs I’ve been listening to recently:

‘Save Tonight’ Eagle-Eye Cherry

‘Into The Pit’ Testament

‘Symphony Of Destruction’ Megadeth

All these remind me of my brother. He was always so chuffed when I met and wrote about bands he liked –he probably would have gone nuts had he known I’d interviewed Chuck Billy for Rock Sound!

November 13 marked the second anniversary of my brother’s suicide. He killed himself because he thought that no one was there for him. The reality is that we were all trying to reach out to him and would have done anything to help him but he’d shut himself off from everyone and everything. He’d had an accident on his motorbike a few years prior to this happening and as a result had suffered a worsening memory condition. A refusal to see a doctor, plus the feeling that something wasn’t right contributed to him digging himself into a place where he couldn’t get out of, mentally.

The point of writing this, really, is that I know a lot of people feel the same… You feel lonely, you feel like no one cares, you feel lost or empty or that a loved-one has left you and you feel like you won’t ever love again, so what’s the point of going on? Life is a strange thing, there is so much (sometimes too much) thrown at us to test us, to make us feel like giving up but each of these tests is a lesson and you will come back stronger and burning brighter than ever before. You may be at the bottom of that hill now, and it may look like a big fuckin’ hill to climb, but even taking a few steps to begin with brings you closer to the top. Remember you are not alone, there are people who will help you climb that hill (and perhaps people you didn’t even know were there) and before you know it, you’ll be near the top.

It was too late for my brother to realise who was there for him – family and a load of friends who he’d lost touch with who would have been there like a shot if they’d known anything was wrong. He had tried to maintain an image to anyone who met him that all was well, while inside his world was falling apart. Sometimes the hardest thing in the world is to tell to someone – even your closest friend – how you feel, or shed a tear, or even admit that something’s not right but once you tell someone, the blackness really does disappear…