How to (not) write a live review…

Deftones played London last night. Did you miss it? Well, here's a chance to find out what you missed...

Posted Friday, 28 August 2009 by Darren Taylor in

Blog

Deftones played London last night. Did you miss it? Well, here's a chance to find out what you missed. This review was submitted to Rock Sound via email this morning - the name shall remain anonymous...

Read and, err, enjoy?

--------------------------------
DEFTONES
The Forum, London

EEEE! It wer Thursday net int Kentish town forum. By eck. Tha couldn’t swing a cat round yer head. There were bloody loads of folks anging around like badger hunters waiting outside a set for the nasty bastards. I tell ye. It were reyt dark and ale were fucking well expensive! Said tu barman ‘THA WHAT! Are you tekkin piss cheeky c*nt!’ I could buy a caravette in Rotherham fer that price ye twat!’ Felt like knockin his skull in I tell thi.

So anyway. Missed first band cos I were watchin a repeat of countdown on mi freeview. Got conundrum reyt though! That new bird who does letters n numbers as always got reyt daft shoes on. Meks her look like a vulture dressed in primark clobber.

Downed another 5 pints ov ale an ad a piss. Burnt like a wanker. Thought me cock wer gonna fall off. On way out some divvy emo knocked mi pint so I twatted im in face and he crumbled like a sack o shit. Soft twat.

So anyways. That fat bloke came on stage. Good thing it’s a big stage. Looks like he eats more pies than mi mate Gaz who works for Ginsters.

They startled playing and it were reyt loud! Sounded good and some bloke were fillin in for Feng Shui whos been badly lately. Poor sod. They razzed through loads of numbers like ‘Shut yer cake hole n drive’, ‘round t fur’, ‘edup’, ‘If only we cud get some kip’ and ‘white donkey’. Got a bit hot tho and couldn’t stomack any more o that southern shandy piss, and ended up chundering all ower mi brand new pair of pit boots. So I staggered out and went fer a kebab from one of them halalal chippies. Roughs not word. Smelled worse than a tramps minge.

All in all a top banana night. Staggered back to me mates house and coshed a few students for a laugh. Ficking streaks of piss. Get a job.

© Rock Sound 2011 | Terms & Conditions | Advertise with us