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AN EVENING WITH STEEL PANTHER

OH THE RUIN!

It all started when Jen and I left the office at about 7pm to make our way to Shepherd’s Bush Empire. On the way to Liverpool Street Station, one thing became clear and that’s that summer has officially ended, and with it any good spiritedness amongst Londoners! I got barged about four times by people huddled in jackets rushing to take cover in the tube from the wind. We will let this gripe die – for now!

On the tube we had quite a lot of stops before reaching our destination. The air was hot and humid, and I regretted the decision of wearing a cardigan. I couldn’t take it off because it was an essential item of clothing in covering up massive man arms (they were unfortunately on display through my T-shirt).

On the plus side, the journey afforded some interesting facts that we learned from reading a paper: In 1809 the average life expectancy age in London was 24. Mainly due to poor nutrition and alcoholism by all accounts! This made the tube ride pass quickly, and we were soon with our friends Libby and Ben / B Brutal (of Glamour Of The Kill fame) in Shepherd’s Bush.

The first port of call was a cash machine. I needed to buy some cheap potato-based substitute and alcohol. The cash point saw long queues of hair metallers and made for a very amusing sight! Towers Of London eat your heart out!



'Beach Bar' indeed.

Once we picked up our passes and after show wristbands we headed upstairs to the bar. There was no free wine unlike our last venture to the Empire (to see The Chippendales).
Yes, frailty thy name is woman!

I forked out my hard-earned cash on some red wine, white wine and beer. We then sat down and listened to some excellent DJ’ing! There was some Bon Jovi, KISS, Mötley Crüe and The Darkness, basically all the classics. Looking around the auditorium was like being transported back through time (probably in a DeLorean) to the height of the 80’s hair metal scene. Seriously, there were so many Lexxi Foxxx look-alikes, it was mildly distressing.

The band came on at 9pm promptly (introduced by Andy Copping in a cowboy hat) and were absolutely brilliant – though they should expand their repartee of jokes a little, as this is the third time I have seen them on UK shores and noticed that their stage show doesn’t deviate too much from the last two. Satchel made up for this, however, with a blinding guitar solo mid-set, wielding all the hits (‘Iron Man’, ‘Smoke On The Water’, ‘Paranoid’, ‘Sweet Child O’ Mine’ and even some Julie Andrews!)




By the end of the gig we headed to the bar where I requested “the cheapest and most potent drink” available, met up with snapper Nigel and then went to the band’s dressing / dry room. Jen and I sat with Satchel for a bit while we waited for Nige to sort is camera out and chatted about shockers and colon clutches – thanks for the explanation Nigel! Seriously, ignorance is bliss in some circumstances!



We then did a quick interview and headed down to the bar again, where the band signed my lack of breasts.




Then Libby took a tumble in the toilets…








We left at a perfectly respectable hour (about midnight) and went to the K West hotel to continue the revelry with some other journalists and Steel Panther.

Jen, Raz and I needed the toilet and began a 30-minute exploration of the hotel, where paying customers surveyed the drunken rabble with a mixture of distaste and suspicion.
We eventually found it after weighing up the pros and cons of going for a swim.


*Obligatory leopard print.



By this point we decided we should try and get back to Jen’s in Camden, so went in search of buses with Ben and Libby. We stopped en route at McDonald’s where Ben thought it hilarious to force feed me.

What happened next was really strange… a man approached Ben (guns blazing!) and started yelling at him randomly. The situation was handled quite calmly until the man hit me (Jen told him off). After trying to lose this mentalist who started to stalk us all over the place we decided to jump into an unlicensed taxi and escape the lunatic.

When we got to Notting Hill Gate (£10 down and two minutes later), Libby and Ben went one way and Jen and I headed into the centre for a bus. This is where it gets even more bizarre! A man stopped me and asked if I would mind accompanying him into a club for £20.

I assessed the situation and then agreed, asking for £10 upfront which I gave to Jen to cover the cost of the taxi. Though admittedly, I felt a bit like I was being pimped out. In the queue we managed to get into the club where I promptly took another £10 and left. This afforded us a taxi home as by this point it was 3am… we had to be up for work in four hours (we made it on time).

We got in and Jen made a lovely cup of Sleep Easy tea and lit some lavender oil. So, all in all the evening was quite a success.